im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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