And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
