Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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