Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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