I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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