we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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