And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he fucked my hip out of place.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
