Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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