Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
