I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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