mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
