so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
