I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
