how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
