Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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