I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
