Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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