census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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