mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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