Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
