Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
pop tarts are not kleenex
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
