Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
They took my balls.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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