Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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