I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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