Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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