Plan B is the new Plan A
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
