When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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