Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
