FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
