this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
