fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
