im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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