Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
