New invention idea: vibrating tampons
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
