What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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