i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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