I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
