Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
When are your genitals available?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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