so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
