i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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