I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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