The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
