We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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