we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
