She's JV to your varsity
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
