I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
