I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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