Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
