? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize