She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Rumble strips road head = magical
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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