i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
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