I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
