he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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