Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
