By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
