This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Watching her eat just hurts me
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
