OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
