wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
