So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
