Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
