Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
