Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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