Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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