i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
ttyl tear gas
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
