I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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