He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
