I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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