phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize