When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize