Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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