grandma shit on top of the toilet
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
