WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
