Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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